Just Plain Cheese

Some downright cheese Facebook updates.

• A pirate walks into a bar. The bartender says, " hey, you've got a wheel stuck to the front of your pants.". The pirate replies, " argh, it's driving me nuts!".
• Why did the snowman cross the street and pull down his pants? He heard the snowblower was coming.
• What do we do when chemists die? We Barium.
• The roundest knight at King Arthur's table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.
• What does a vegetarian zombie say? grrrrraaaaaiiiins!
• Why do chicken coups only have two doors? Because if they had four they would be a chicken sedan.
• How many kids with ADHD does it take to change a light bulb? Let's go ride bikes!
• Did you hear about the red ship and the blue ship that collided? All the sailors were marooned.
• A baby seal walks into a club....
• Why can a nose never be twelve inches long? Because then it would be a foot.
• What did Beethoven and Mozart turn into when they died? Decomposers.
• What do you call a deer with no eyes? No idear.
  
• What does a vampire zombie say? Veeeiiiiinnnnnsssss.

CBSC Special

To tribute the recent stupid ruling by the Canadian Broadcast Standards Council to ban Dire Straits song Money for Nothing, here is my list of songs to nan:

You
• supports a ban on Honky Tonk Man, as it offends white guys
• supports a ban on Pretty Fly, and it offends fly white guys
• supports a ban on NWA's OPP, as it offends the Ontario Provincial Police
• wants to ban the song Girls, as it's offensive to Women
• agrees to ban the song Goonies, as it is offensive to Sloth
• demands to ban I Want a New Drug. We all know the current ones are fine.
• insists on ban of the song Lollipop, lest the sugar industry be offended
• wants to ban Rockafeller Skank, as it offends them hoes
• demands we ban Celine. Her and her songs, for the sake of all Canadians.

Animal Lovers

The animal lover says:

• cat people are puuuurrrr-fect
• pet lovers do it doggie style
• as an animal lover, Elk are very deer to me
• likes to drink with fish as they're always tanked
• as I friend of the sheep, I can say ewe are baaahd

Bad Timing

They day just doesn't go right sometimes.

• Bad timing is having a heart attack during a game of charades
• Bad timing is being alive during the Justin Bieber era
• Bad timing is being late for work and running for a street car as it get's hijacked by Leprechauns on St. Patty's Day
  
• Bad timing is letting a stinky one rip just before a colon exam
• Horrible timing is being that doctor who receives the stinky one

Facebook Secrets

Name:

* is a byte in a bit in a node designated to be sold to make Mark rich.
* is going on Intervention for Facebook withdrawal.
* vs. Mark Z in UFC 2010 - the Geekdown!
* is uploading my photo revenue stream to Mark's personal money making machine.
* is the model of an electronic sheep. Like
* wonders if FB'ing from the washroom should be called Fecesbooking.
* wonders if you bare wondering where I wrote this.

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Location:Your Place

Parliamentary Turmoil

Inspired by True Stories of the Canadian Government

Name:

• is in a coalition of ineptness, taunting those in that general direction
• is excited about Stephane J. Duceppe's new reign of Canada
• is doing the Parliamentary Hokie-Pokie (take your right wing out and shake it all about)
  
• is getting dizzy from our nation's slow spiral into attack-styled politics
• is watching the new sitcom "My Three Prime Ministers"
• asks if Larry, Curly, and Moe could do a better job for us?
• has anticipation for faster, more efficient decision making from a triple headed-hydra

My, How Odd

Name:

• dreamed of a brighter, cleaner world fully powered by the magic of funk!
• is a small cheese wheel at a wine party, being picked apart bit by bit.
• is a lime-coloured kitty being chased by a bottle of Tequila.
• flies through space and time with the intend of determining if the chicken came before the omlette.